Because Im Choleric, Its not an excuse

          If you are a customer like me and you look like this like me, surely the customers will feel scared. Maybe you would have second thoughts in approaching or  giving your concerns. Hmmm I have received side comments about the way I look, stern face, heavy face, not smiling. Well, it hurts and its the truth and often time I retaliate, I rebel and i justify myself. Just like what happened this morning, the lady was looking for the sweet and kind customer beside me. And when she left, I heard them conversing with the guard and I accidentally heard the word "bug-at ug nawong" which means heavy face or stern face not friendly face. I got a little defensive about it. And realized that I should have a godly response to this kind of situation.

        I know I should take it on the lighter side and use the criticism as positively as I can, for change for the better, for me to improve. My temperament is never an excuse for me to justify my short comings. I know its a personal matter but I should apply all that I have learned, and a question popped and I asked myself is Christlikeness reflected in my actions and how I deal with people? Have I become a blessing?  I know I should reflect God's love and mercy to others.  I got guilty about it,  I know I should have been kinder and should have been its a challenge for me to improve. I have to smile because a customer service should be helpful, should be friendly and should be approachable with a light face not a heavy face.

How to look approachable:
1. Smile - though  have tantrums I should serve with a smile.
2. Be patient - Im impatient and I know to be an effective servant I should listen and take time to wait for the subscribers, not hurry but have quality time with them.
3. Smile - I have to remind myself as constantly as I can coz I have the tendency to have that tiger look which could be scarry to look at.
4. Be accommodating -   dont make subs feel they are not welcome
5. Smile
6. Pray
7. Begin the day with God's word.
8. Pray always.

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Change for the better

If a picture paints a thousand words......
I hope there could be a painting that could somehow describe what Im feeling right now. I feel hopeless, I feel annoyed, bitter and angry. But I have to look ok and pretend everything is awesome. I want to cry, but I wont. I refuse to. I dont want to. Then, if it would have been a painting, what would it look. It would look terrible to look at with those terrible emotions. Im a pych major graduate and I cant apply those theories to myself. Tsk tsk tsk

No matter how I try, no matter how I pray, things are just beyond me. Its beyond my control, no matter how much effort I exert on getting on my knees and beg God. Its all up to Him. But more often may be im just creating that impression on people, and I end up getting hurt and getting nasty side comments in the end.  But, God is in control, I believe He will complete what He has started, the answers to my prayers may not be given today, it may not always be a yes, a no and wait. I know I will have to embrace that with a hopefull heart. He is a God who will always true to His promised, I will wait on Him, patiently. Change for the better. I hope I also change for the better, not just expect others to be so, but for that change to start in me.

Ways to cope such emotion:
1. Say all you want to say to that person.
2. Then, if that person answer, defend yourself.
3. If the person defends, then answer back.
4. If that person tell you to shut up, then shut up. Just blog.
5. Let it all out, blog it, express it.
6. Just pound the keyboard as hard as you can with words.
7. Take a deep breath.
8. Smile.
9. Pray.
10. Pray.
11. Memorize bible verses
12. Claim God's promises.
13. ACCEPT. You cant please yourself and you cant please everyone and everyone cant please you.

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Brilliantly disguised as impossible situations

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.

Charles R. Swindoll

Wow, Chuck Swindoll is an all time favorite of mine, I bought one ebook that cost me less than five  hundred pesos and ts was worth the purchase. Each line filled with so much wisdom, that I have to read it over and over again to digest the meaty message. Very well written, words piercing through and digging deep into the chambers of my heart, words resonating, clingling, reminded of God's unfathomable love.

The past few days, I confess that I have magnified the impossible situations not seeing the great opportunities that goes with the emotional roller coaster, guilty of not really inviting God to help me survive the day of complaints, negativity, problems, concerns of subscribers for the day. What a shame? Shame on me! I felt that it was all me, and to the extent of blaming myself.There were times, I felt like breaking and silly thoughts coming and worst even thoughts of surrendering giving up.

But, things happen for a reason,  I know if I survive this point in my life, surely I will learn something. That I should learn to appreciate and just allow God to move the pieces in my life and being confident that he will carry it all for my welfare.

There are things certainly beyond my control and I thank God for giving me the strength to survive and to pass with His guidance for I know He will indeed fulfill His promises and He will never leave me through thick and thin. All I have to do is cling unto Him, seek His word daily and apply what I have learned not just head knowledge. Its easier said than done, but I acknowledge that apart from Him I can do nothing. I depend all to God and His power that is at work within me.

So when tough times comes, its where God's power is displayed. 

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I cry out....

Job 31:20
I cry out to you, but you do not answer.
I stand up but you merely look at me.

Thoughts: I understand dear Lord that there are times in my life that you just watch me. There are times that you are silent in my life(may be i was too busy with the world that I cant seem to hear you), making me feel that pain is inevitable in this life. Many times I have broken your heart, and i have cried out to You and only feel Your presence guiding me, wiping my tears away, embracing me in Your love, and in the shelter of your wings I hide.I am sorry if many times I have failed You and with emotions and thoughts in my heart and mind, but I know You wait on me calling me through Your still small voice reminding me to go on. Thank You Lord that with Your word in my heart our relationship deepens into an intimate relationship that will make all clear to me. I thank you for being there always.

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The brown and pink checkered shorts...

I went to the mall yesterday and as usual wen to my favorite shops just looking and window shopping. I accompanied a friend who asked for help in buying shirt. I also went looking for shorts that and other stuff and saw this realy cute checkered pink and brown shorts, I know i was best for playing badminton. I went inside the fitting room, it was great it looked on me, then the post I made a day ago here on mylot came to me in a flashback and alas! I went out folded it back and tried to convince myself that it was not a good buy.LOL I know I sour graped and it was the best. I dont want to practice impulse buying and it was the start of what I called simple living. I still have many shorts for badminton at home and it was not really that essential.

read more......

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I miss my father...

Hmmm., teary eyed as I write these thoughts from the heart, trying to fight back the tears from falling, looking up just to deny gravity from winning and feeling the tears from my eyes. A discussion by a friend brought back memories, lovely sweet memories with my father. and now gravity won, im crying. Just trying not to cry too much, im in the office and people might wonder this sudden dramatic scene they are witnessing.

Well, hmmm, tears again. Please, stop from falling, I guess I cant seem to stop them, its as if they have minds of their own, i told them to stop, but they jsut want to get out from my eyes and shout its freedom day. I know its embarassing but, I can manage to wipe them as quickly as I could.

Father died 14 years ago, just miss him, envy those kids who are walking happily with their fathers. Im just glad I still have a heavenly father who knows all I have deep inside of me.

I miss you PAPA.

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Apple for dinner...

Its always a struggle, a daily struggle and I hate it.
I easily get upset.
And I just dont like it when I get upset. So many things seems to come out from my mind and I ca feel my rebelious mind whispering to me, encouraging me to be upset some more.
Just tonight, my housemates forgot to send my dinner (we cook our food in turns, the office is just walking distance from our boarding house,most of the time they send my breakfast or dinner) and of course I felt neglected and self pity went in coupled with so many thougts, I know im over reacting, but I guess I was too excited to think whats for dinner and eneded up having nothing. Or maybe because I was too hungry or I pitied myself for having an apple for dinner.
Hmmmm maybe they have their reasons, but I just hope I can let go of these negative felings and these negative thoughts from coming to life.
I guess I was forced to go on a apple diet for dinner tonight, well, on the other hand I can still consideer myself lucky, many people still dont have something to eat, im just one of the lucky one who can still enjoy an apple for dinner.

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My mother's eye operation...

Just three weeks a go, this same day an accident happened at home. I recieved a text message from my younger sister seeking for help since mother kept crying because she cant see. What happened was that some one was cutting bamboo and mother is just near got hit and the left eye was a ffected. We thought it was just a mere foreign object but, I was shocked tot hear that theres a surgery needed. This was the first incident like this in our family and surely I tried to be strong and tried to calm down for the sake of my mother and sister. The surgery needed a cash deposit and I didnt have the source of the money but God really works in miraculous ways and He gave us what we needed for the operation. It took 45 minutes for the the operation to complete and Im thankful that God guided the doctors and the people in the hospital. Now theres another operation for the cataract next month and we are getting ready and still praying that things would be great. God is in control.

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One week old baby found alive in a garbage can...

Its was the most bad news that I got from a news from our local television here. It was a one year old baby girl that was placed in a box and was thrown in a garbage can and was found by a beggar. At first the beggar thought that it was a cat but when he opened the box he was shocked to see a baby girl crying her heart out. I almost cried seeing that innocent helpless baby flashed on tv, it was on the news almost every afternoon and lots of couples has been touched by her story and wanted to get her for adoption. i cant imagine how the mother felt when she placed her duaghter in that box and threw her in that garbage. The baby was lucky enough to have survived, there were signs that the baby was bitten by insects already and she is still being taken cared of so that the sore will cure.

posted at mylot

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College life, What do you miss?

Hmmmm, very nice to look back to our college dyas right. Though I enjoyed my high school days more than my college days but there were certain things that was new during my college days:

I miss.....

* the hang outs in the library;I worked as a student assistant and I go there during my break time for my library duty, I miss the work, the books, the dusts, the librarians and my friends there.

* my crushes and the cute guys who hang out in the library......

* my professors, even though they were terrors but have learned to appreciate the beauty of learning and the good things that I have associated with it.

* those group studies that resulted into group eating and group talking; I guess thats the most ironic situations way back then, but it made us close together and created a bond among us.

posted in dormcheck

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Lung Cancer

They say smokers never grow old, they die young. As I am one of the fatherless children who have struggled through life with only a mother to sustain the needs of the family. It was not easy for a young girl like me who have been loved, pampered and taken cared of by a loving father. I fear my father, he was a disciplinarian, but I loved him dearly, though my greatest regret was not being very verbal about it, but I love him so much. I was a papas girl in the making. And as the eldest in the family it was a role I have to play.

At an early age I have to work part time as a student assistant to support my studies. Reporting for work during my break periods, arranged thousands of books, cleaned them, sorted them the dewey decimal way, served as junior librarian when the librarians were away or absent from work, errand girl, clerk, and lots of things I have loved doing and has been a part of my college life.

Lung cancer, it was the cause why my father died. I have seen him suffer from it and how painfull that sight and that memory for our family. Piercing your heart seeing him fight to live just another minute. He was too young to die, I know he was not ready to die but physically he was too weak to survive. He made everything to recover, sold our jeepneys, our house and neary everything but to no avail it did not extned his life. The cancer was way too far reaching the depths of his lungs and piercing his heart and other major organs. Looking back, he used to smoke like a rapid chain smoker, a chain smoker in every sense of the word. And I just hate the thought of this useless cigarette which took my father and left us empty.

And I'm thankfull, still for everything that happened in my life, I wouldnt be where I am now. For that Someone up there who have been sustaining me, holding my hand, supporting me and always being there every step of my way. I know without Him in my life, life wont be the same. For the people He used to bless me and to help me in my journey. " So close, I believe, You're holding me now in Your hands I belong, You'll never let me go......All along You were beside me even when I couldn't tell, and through the years You showed me more of You, more of You "

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In love with the thought of being in love?

In love with the thought of being in love? Yah, I was sure once in that state of being, a long time ago, when my heart was still young and fragile. I was should I say a late bloomer, when everyone in college were having boyfriends and stuff I only have a crush to brag about (hehehehe funny). But it was the case, having a boyfriend during that times of my life was not on my priorities ( or maybe I was too busy to have other things to disturb my work as a student assistant, and too busy to mess up with school work and a scholarship to maintain)..... I was just contented with exchanging eye to eye contact with my crush and nothing more, you know the feeling of seeing him around would somehow complete your day, yippy!!! Its ust so unfair, when he is there from afar time just swiflty pass me by. And just how your heart would go mambu zambo wild when you bump each other on the hallway (ooopssss) hay!!! Then, it felt so sad when you dont to see him around, as if time would go so slowly and its like you felt like being sick or even worst you feel like crying:(

It was the past, now its only a memory, a feeling that will soon fade in time, a memory that lingers on if I refuse to let go, a realization, that its just like a fantasy, not like fairy tales that would end up "happily ever after", it had a sad ending, I didnt even know if there was a beginning in the first place.The truth was I was in love with the thought of being in love, surely it felt good, with all the kilig factor attached to it, even if he dont even know my name, or worst, even if he does not know I existed ( how pity).......

Im no longer a kid now, but sad to say i still enjoy the memory of a false love story that i have carved in my heart,that is . keeping me from moving on and face the real world. Maybe I have have no released myself from the bondage of the happy kilig feeling (maybe... may be not).....

I guess its just part of growing up or growing old and a matter of having the proper mind set, and a matter of first priority. And im at the point of checking things out and what best that would fit the vision that I have set. Im free, thank God.

in love with the thought of being in love

false love story

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