Change for the better

If a picture paints a thousand words......
I hope there could be a painting that could somehow describe what Im feeling right now. I feel hopeless, I feel annoyed, bitter and angry. But I have to look ok and pretend everything is awesome. I want to cry, but I wont. I refuse to. I dont want to. Then, if it would have been a painting, what would it look. It would look terrible to look at with those terrible emotions. Im a pych major graduate and I cant apply those theories to myself. Tsk tsk tsk

No matter how I try, no matter how I pray, things are just beyond me. Its beyond my control, no matter how much effort I exert on getting on my knees and beg God. Its all up to Him. But more often may be im just creating that impression on people, and I end up getting hurt and getting nasty side comments in the end.  But, God is in control, I believe He will complete what He has started, the answers to my prayers may not be given today, it may not always be a yes, a no and wait. I know I will have to embrace that with a hopefull heart. He is a God who will always true to His promised, I will wait on Him, patiently. Change for the better. I hope I also change for the better, not just expect others to be so, but for that change to start in me.

Ways to cope such emotion:
1. Say all you want to say to that person.
2. Then, if that person answer, defend yourself.
3. If the person defends, then answer back.
4. If that person tell you to shut up, then shut up. Just blog.
5. Let it all out, blog it, express it.
6. Just pound the keyboard as hard as you can with words.
7. Take a deep breath.
8. Smile.
9. Pray.
10. Pray.
11. Memorize bible verses
12. Claim God's promises.
13. ACCEPT. You cant please yourself and you cant please everyone and everyone cant please you.

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Rainy season coming.....

"Rain drops keep fallin' on my head".......

I was confined in the four corners of my room for two unable to report for work due to severe headache, colds and cough. Spent the two days watching tv, KAPUSO or KAPAMILYA, DIZ iz It or SHowtime? Eat bulaga or wowoweee, i just jumped from one channel to the other but felt the KAPUSO team is closer to my heart. And now Im well and here for praise and worship practice but theres no one and now Im stuck with the rain so intense outside making it impossible for me to go home.

Its hard that the restaurant owner downstairs came and begged if he could bring his supplies for safe keeping afraid that the flood would strike and give devastating damage like the last flood that happened last January2009.

"Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain......"

I could just hum hum and sing a few rain songs to chase the rain away, and now it subsided giving me the assurance that its safe and no flood is coming and preventing me from going home.

January 2009 flood

Me (with pink jacket) with Rachel and Wendy

enjoying the chocolatety street.....

smiling always......

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Its time to clear clutter from my heart....

Our hearts and mind accumulate lots of clutter.As we rub shoulders with the world we inevitably and even unknowingly pick up ungodly thoughts and attitudes along the way. I know along the way I must have grieved the heart of God throught the things i say, the things i hvae done and things i have thought about. I hope I can make this a spiritual work day and the days onward to clean and discard thoughts of bitterness, thoughts of rebelion and revenge and put damaging memories in place. I can organize my attitudes and fill my heart with the virtues in God's word- making my spiritual residence clean as I confess to God my sins and He will purify me once again.

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Bitter sweet realizations....

I just came fresh from a three day youth discipleship conference and I feel the spiritual fullness and it feels so great, I feel so energized. I had bitter and sweet realizations.

The messages opened my eyes to these realizations in my life.

I cried while walking on my way home, alone in a remote provincial road from my children ministry.

I cried coz I realized vital things. One speaker talked of stewardship, and I took it so hard and realized that i was not a good steward with my life. There so many opportunites, time and relationships wasted and for me its bitter coz I know I could no longer do anything about it. But there's no use crying over spilled milk, know the Lord is not through with my life yet, and I praise God for His guidance and for using people to guide me. Its sweet because I still have time to do better and to do the best for the Lord.

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In God's loving hands...

Its one of the most things that I fear in life, to break my heart. Of course i know people wont want their hearts to be broken but there are events and things in our lives that happen for a reason and I believe they make us or break us. I broke my heart almost a year ago, it was somthing i chose to hide and I chose to keep to myself for I know announcing it would make it more harder to cope with. I cried in silence, alone in my room, in the stillness of the night, and there I felt God's hand comforting me, speaking to me, drying each tear from my eyes with His words. Only close people knew about it and I know they prayed for me, and I know it made the healing speedy. Looking back, it still makes my tears fall and I cant stop them, im a better person, broken and healed by the loving hands of God.

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Joyful Living....

Sharing this what I read from our daily bread.

Our search for joy takes us many different directions—dream holidays, shopping, food, clothes, friends, cars—the list is almost endless.

My guess is that if you perked up at the mention of shopping, holidays, or cars, you might have felt a twinge of guilt. We often view the joy of temporal things as less than spiritual and show our discomfort by apologizing for nice things: “I wouldn’t have bought this, but someone gave me a wonderful deal.” As if real Christians never eat quiche, drive cool cars, or wear designer clothes!

No doubt God’s greatest gift to us is our relationship with His Son Jesus. It’s a gift beyond comparison. Jesus promised that when we abide in Him we will experience the fulfillment of His joy (John 15:11), and without that kind of deep, abiding joy the rest of life is mundane at best.

But Scripture also casts the joy of the Lord in terms of temporal things. The enjoyment of “things” can be a positive spiritual experience. When we recognize that He “gives us richly all things to enjoy” (1 Tim. 6:17) and that “every good gift . . . is from above” (James 1:17), our hearts should be full of thankfulness and praise. This, in and of itself, is an act of worship! Enjoy the Giver and the gifts. — Joe Stowell

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Another day....

They say I have the worst job in the world, customer service officer. Getting paid to get yelled at, shouted at and sometimes insulted for not being able to meet subscribers desires. Well, no matter how I look at each side of the coin, they are always right, even if they sound so wrong they are always right and they deserve the best. But there are so many things beyond our control and its a matter of being able to play and survive this world of complaints.

I passed the day without a subscriber getting mad at me. Its unusual but im just glad. Its always a daily prayer that I make it through the day with flying colors and true enough another answered prayer. I experimented on being childish with subscribers and they respond in such a manner, and try to be nice as much as possible no matter how maldita and demanding they seem to be, I pretend not to get impatient and impolite to them even when they are shouting and seems to get the earwax from my ears.

I survive the day with just a smile and laugh at their demands. Most often I just joke about it and laugh. Its just a matter of coping. No matter how I try there are things that is beyond my control and God is in control over all the things around.

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Myheart Prints: Struggles

Its a wonderful day, and just a perfect day to clean some old junk from my room. I cam across this cute pooh bear yellow spring notebook. My Purpose driven Life notebook, exactly 4 years ago, I had a commitment signed with Erna, Gary and Joey. We promised to finish the forty day journey but unfortunately when I checked I was only until the 37th day. I failed to finish the book and I intend to finish it this time.And four years ago I was writing about my struggles in life, my spiritual life, my daily struugles with work and life, my bad habits and so many other things. Specically, I wanted to end my not so nice way of handling my subscribers, I was so desperate to end it four years, but I'm still entangled with the webs of the lack patience to overcome it, and the lack of humility and the heart to do it. I dont know if my temper has something to do with being born on the month of February or maybe its just a matter of having this kind of attitude.......Hmmmm, how I wish I could somehow change. Lord, please remind me every that its not about me. I know the road is never easy but I put the trust in You.............

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Assurance of Forgiveness

Forgiveness means that we are not going to allow the experiences of the past to dominate our future and to prevent us from becoming all that God has planned we should become. There may well be memories we are unable to put out of mind, but we choose not to allow them to control our attitudes and behaviour in the future, even toward those who may be responsible for those memories. Two New Testament words we translate "to forgive" mean literally "to let go" and "to cancel a debt". I found that at times the phrase "I forgive you" seemed empty, so I said, "I release you. I let you go. I let go of this offence. I cancel your debt. You owe me nothing now. I renounce my desire to get even with you." That way, the imagery of this biblical language filled the word "forgiveness" with a more specific and concrete meaning.

The basis upon which all sin is forgiven is found in Matthew 26:28: " This is my blood of the covenant which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."

What must we do in order to have our sins forgiven? Answer: 1 John 1:9 " If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

The consequences of unconfessed sin:

Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces then finds mercy.

Psalms 66:18 If I cherished sin in my heart the Lord would have not listened.

What attitude of heart characterizes confession?
Psalm 38:18 I confess my iniquity, i am troubled by my sin. Confession as described by David Psalm 32:5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and you did not cover up my iniquity. I said " I confess my transgressions to the Lord" and you forgave the guilt of my sin. David's prayer expectation after confessiong his sin.

Psalm 52:12 Restore to the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain.

Our attitude towards others:
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Why forgiveness matters?
1. Unforgiveness will hurt no one more than myself
2. Unforgiveness will often hurt others
3. Unforgiveness may deny healing to another
4. Unforgiveness affects my relationship with God
5. Unforgiveness is readily exploited by the Evil One
6. Forgiveness demonstrates Christ's presence
7. It shows our own experience of God's forgiveness

We never touch the ocean of God's love so much as when we love our enemies.
It is a joy to accept forgiveness, but it is almost a greater joy to give forgiveness.

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